Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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