Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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