I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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