Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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