hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she peed on how many people?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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