and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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