wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
