I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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