She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
