Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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