I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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