I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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