i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
