Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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