Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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