she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize