we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
