Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
