not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
