is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
