I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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