Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
