Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
even my farts smell like vagina
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
