Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
