Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
