idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
