The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
