i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
did you just send me my own nude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
