hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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