theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
