so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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