cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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