yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
