What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
