Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
