I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's never too late to be topless.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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