My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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