I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
