just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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