If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Congratulations! We have a period
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize