Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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