3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
