Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
