Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
