Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
where are my eyebrows?
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