Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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