They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
