Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
