well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
