I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
