I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
