so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
