the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
