Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
