it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
