you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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