very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize