Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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