No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
