I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
