I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
