I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
