He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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