Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
