She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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