He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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