my mouth tastes like poor choices
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
