Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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