You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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