the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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