Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My penis needs a shock collar
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
