If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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