it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
