Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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