I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
