Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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