We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
