I wish my penis had an off switch
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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