she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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