He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
