Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
