Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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