You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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