I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
