Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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