I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize