took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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