The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
