i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
