I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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