doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
