i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
