We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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