if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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