The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
