I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
