My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
