Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
