Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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