hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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