Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They took my balls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
