i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
