i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
