She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
