the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
