the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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