At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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