i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
