giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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