after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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