Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
