12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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