If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
