You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize