Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
