y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
