I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
