I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
