Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
