I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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